


Teddy Bear

by Zenece



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 06:55:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenece/pseuds/Zenece
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lose a teddy bear and find what you've always dreamed of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teddy Bear

Kathryn picked up the stuffed teddy bear from the floor and looked around with a raised eyebrow to see if she could locate its possible owner.   
The corridors were deserted, nobody was around.

She studied the bear a little closer to get a clue as to whom it might have belonged. It looked very old and a little worn, as if someone had lovingly hugged it for years. And when she looked closer she noticed stitches on one arm, where some apparent damage had been carefully repaired with a needle and thread.   
Kathryn couldn’t make out anything about who owned the old fashioned teddy, though. 

On impulse, she cuddled the bear and buried her face in the soft fabric. She picked up a vaguely familiar scent and wondered where she’d smelled it before, but failed to pinpoint it.

It was probably Naomi Wildman’s teddy bear, she reflected. After all this was Deck nine, and the Wildmans lived just around the corner.   
Kathryn decided she might just as well return it now and headed for the quarters the young girl and her mother shared.

Samantha Wildman opened the door, looking genuinely surprised.

“Captain! Uh... Come in! What can I do for you?”

Kathryn held up the teddy bear with a smile. “I found this in the corridor and I just wanted to drop it off.”

Samantha shook her head. “It’s not Naomi’s, Captain. She hasn’t had a teddy bear in months now.” Her face lit up in a typical ‘proud mother’ smile. “She informed me in the serious voice of an eight year old that she was now too old for ‘silly things’ like teddy bears.” 

Kathryn laughed. “I can imagine! I remember when I was six, I refused to play ‘Trevis and Flotter’ on the Holodeck because some kid at school said it was for babies. And of course I wanted to be a big girl. After all, I WAS six!” She snorted. “But I missed them so much that I gave up on ‘being a big girl’ after only two days!” 

They laughed heartily, only to be interrupted by the chirp of Kathryn’s combadge. 

“Chakotay to the Captain.”

Still smiling, Kathryn slapped her combadge. “Janeway here.”

“Captain, I’m sorry to disturb you, but there are some pressing matters that require your attention. Could you meet me in your Ready Room please?”

Janeway nodded, even though he couldn’t see her. “I’m on my way Commander. Janeway out.”

Kathryn smiled at the woman before her. “Well, sorry to have bothered you Ensign.”

“Not a problem Captain.” Samantha answered honestly and Kathryn headed for the nearest turbolift.

When she entered her Ready Room, Kathryn found Chakotay waiting for her already.  
He smiled as he saw her enter. “In need of a hug Kathryn?” He quipped, pointing at the teddy bear she was still carrying.

She snorted. “I found it in the corridor on Deck nine, but it isn’t Naomi’s. Any idea whom it might belong to?”

Chakotay shrugged. “Not a clue.” He handed her two PADDs from the pile he stacked on her desk. “Now, I have the reports on...”

Kathryn put the bear aside as she focused on Chakotay’s words.

~~~

B’Elanna Torres was not a happy camper.   
Tarees was missing. And silly as it may sound, without Tarees, B’Elanna could not sleep.   
Twice she had retraced her steps now, looking out for the familiar brown, fluffy shape. But as it was, it seemed that Tarees had disappeared off the face of the Earth. Well, off the face of Voyager anyway. 

B’Elanna tossed around, thinking. She’d still had the bear, carefully hidden under her covers when she’d slept on Nicoletti’s sofa last night after she and Tom had had their worst and final fight. She’d just grabbed her blanket, pillow and -of course- Tarees and headed for Nicoletti’s vacant sofa, yelling at Tom that she wanted him out of her quarters by the next day.   
Sure enough, when she came back the next morning, Tom wasn’t there. But neither was Tarees.   
She’d checked Nicoletti’s couch and the corridors to her quarters to no avail. 

B’Elanna sighed deeply, feeling more alone than ever.  
At times like these, she wanted to curl up under the covers, clutching her teddy bear. Just like she had done when her father had left. Just like she’d done when she’d found out all her Maquis friends had been slaughtered.   
She needed the reassuring sensation of safety that seemed to come from squeezing that bear, burying her face in its soft fur and breathing its unique, relaxing scent. 

Crazy as it may sound, she missed Tarees more than she missed Tom right now.   
Clutching a pillow, a poor substitute for her teddy, B’Elanna tried to pinpoint where she and Tom had started to go wrong. She couldn’t really blame it on one single instance. It had been a gradual process, that’s how these things go, she mused. At one point they were reasonably happy together, yet some time later most of their conversations seemed to end up in meaningless fights. 

And she’d been annoyed with him, found herself unable to bear the sight of him at times. She’d be utterly disgusted by the most inane things, like the way he ate his popcorn in front of his television set, or the sound of his voice, or sometimes even the way he touched her. 

The things that had attracted her to him in the beginning now seemed the most irritable. His fly-boyish ‘take it as it comes’ attitude for instance, once very appealing in her Starfleet-rules-and-regulations life, now nothing but another cause for frustration.   
Or the way he growled when they had sex. At first she’d thought it cute and even considerate of him, trying to adjust to her Klingon side. Now she found it pathetic and rather off putting. No surprise really that she had started faking her orgasms, she snorted.

Rolling on her other side, B’Elanna couldn’t help but wondering if that was all there was to relationships. Her idea of this bond between two people was so much more than what she had ever experienced with Tom. But maybe she wanted something that wasn’t humanly possible. Maybe Love with a capital ‘L’ was only a fairy tale. 

She sighed deeply. What she wouldn’t give to have Tarees to cuddle now, and feel like a five year old again, with hopes and dreams and a whole life of possibilities in front of her.   
She rolled over yet again and tried to get comfortable for what was undoubtedly going to be a long night.

~~~

During the morning briefing a few days later, Kathryn noticed how tired her Chief Engineer looked. She had black circles under her eyes and frequently tried to stifle a yawn. Quite honestly, it looked like she hadn’t slept in days. And that was no surprise, Kathryn mused. The news of the Paris/Torres break-up had reached her ears through the grapevine. 

“B’Elanna.” She called the woman as the briefing ended.

The half Klingon looked at her through dull eyes, their usually present sparkle almost reduced to nothing.   
Kathryn frowned in concern and placed her hand on the Lieutenant’s shoulder. 

“I know it’s none of my business but... are you alright?” The concern in her voice was evident.

B’Elanna shrugged. “To tell you the truth Captain, I’ve been better. I haven’t exactly been sleeping well lately.” 

Kathryn gave her a sympathetic look. “Well, that’s understandable Lieutenant. And I want you to know that my door is always open if you need to talk.” 

“Thank you Captain.” B’Elanna nodded politely. “But unless you plan to restore my faith in love yourself, there’s not much you can do.” 

She headed for the door, leaving a frowning Captain in her wake. 

~

“But SHE left ME!” Tom Paris stated, waving his arms to emphasize his point. “With all due respect Captain, I don’t really see what you’re getting at.”

Kathryn sighed. “Tom, I know I have no right to interfere but you’ve seen the way she’s been these last few days. She barely talks to anyone, just does her work and disappears in her quarters afterwards. And she looks like hell. It’s not like her and I’m worried.” 

Tom nodded. “So am I, but I still don’t see what you expect ME to do about it. She made it pretty clear that she doesn’t want to see me any more than necessary, given our current situation. I’d say that’s a pretty clear signal.”

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Kathryn nodded. “Maybe, but Tom, she’s acting borderline depressed and she made an offhand remark about having lost her faith in love. Who knows, maybe she’s only now realized what she’s lost. Maybe she’s reconsidering. My point is that maybe you should TALK to her. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.” 

Tom shook his head. “You’re assuming that I still want her back...”

Kathryn raised one eyebrow, half glaring at the man standing in front of her.

“Despite of what you think, Captain, we weren’t THAT good together. Of course it hurt like hell when she finally took the step and ended it. But I’d be lying if I said we both hadn’t seen it coming for a long time. I think I know her well enough to say that she’s probably relieved it’s finally over.”

Kathryn sat back, pondering his words. 

Tom sighed. “Look, I’m worried about her too. But really, I don’t think there’s much I can do.”

Looking up at him, Kathryn slowly nodded. “I think I see your point.”

~

The door chime chirped and B’Elanna was doing her best to ignore it. See didn’t really want to see anyone. Whoever it was, requesting entrance, she was sure they’d give up after a while.   
And really, someone else might have, but not Kathryn Janeway.

B’Elanna lifted her head, surprised when she heard the doors open and ready to growl at the intruder.   
However, since said intruder was the Captain, she settled for a rather mild ‘What are YOU doing here?’ and crawled back under the covers not bothering listening to the answer.

Kathryn moved to the center of the room and took in her surroundings. The place looked a mess; clothes and PADDs lay all over the floor, and in one corner a plant was dying from lack of water and light. 

B’Elanna peeked from under the covers, checking if her unwanted visitor was still there. She gave a resigned sigh when she saw the woman still standing there and sat up.

“What is it that you want, Captain?” 

Kathryn took a few steps closer, not quite sure on what to say.

“I asked Tom to come and talk to you but...” She trailed off.

A genuinely surprised look crossed the half Klingon’s face as she shook her head once. “Tom? Why would I want to talk to Tom?”

“Well, considering the way you’re acting after your recent break up, I thought it was reasonable to assume...”

B’Elanna felt a sudden flare of anger inside her as she spat: “Shows how much you know!” 

“Lieutenant?” Kathryn’s voice held a warning note.

“With all due respect Captain, you have no right to stick your nose in matters that don’t concern you.” B’Elanna fought hard to calm herself down.

Kathryn responded in an icily fashion. “I didn’t come here as your Captain, B’Elanna, I came here as your friend because I’m worried about you.” 

“My friend!” B’Elanna snorted. “Being the Captain of this ship, doesn’t give you the right to call people ‘friends’ whenever it’s convenient.” She threw her arms in the air. “Look, I’m doing my job, that’s all you need to be concerned about. What I do or don’t do in my private life is my own business. Now get out and leave me alone!” 

Kathryn responded in a voice laced with barely controlled anger. “I understand you’re upset, B’Elanna, but you’re taking it out on the wrong person. Next time you’re looking for someone to blame for your own unhappiness, try the mirror! Goodnight.”

With that, she left a stunned engineer alone with her thoughts. 

~

“I didn’t recognize her, Chakotay!” Kathryn exclaimed. “I’ve never seen her of all people so out of it!” 

Chakotay nodded pensively. “You’re right; it doesn’t really sound like her. Maybe I should talk to her.” 

Kathryn snorted. “You may want to choose life, Commander.” She shook her head, frowning slightly. “You know what’s bothering me even more than her behavior?”

“What’s that?” Chakotay nudged as she’d lapsed into silence. 

Kathryn sighed. “I can’t get over the way I reacted to her outburst.” She placed her hand on her friend’s arm. “I’ve been insulted before Chakotay; people have blamed me for the most ridiculous things, I’m used to it. But something about this all just pissed me off, like I expected more from her than hiding in her quarters under the covers. I don’t know what it is that’s bothering her right now, but the way she’s dealing with it, or rather NOT dealing with it, makes me want to kick her in the ass.”

Chakotay couldn’t help but smile briefly at his Captain’s vehemence. “Kicking a Klingon in the ass... I’ll notify Sickbay.” 

She swatted him lightly on the chest. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere near her. She wants to wallow in self-pity? Fine, whatever, see if I care.” 

Chakotay pursed his lips. “Aren’t you being a little hard on her? You don’t really know the full story.”

Decisively, Janeway got up from the couch. “And I don’t intend to find out either. She doesn’t want me as a concerned friend, well; I’ll just be the Captain then. As long as she does her work properly she can stand on her head for all I care.”

She held up her hand to stop Chakotay from talking. “I know what you’re going to say Commander. Not very mature of me, is it? Well, I treat as I find.”

With a nod, Chakotay left the Ready Room, keeping his opinion to himself. He doubted the Captain would appreciate it if he pointed out the obvious similarities between her own behavior and the recent antics of a certain Klingon engineer.

~~~

B’Elanna touched her cheek as her mirror image did the same. ‘Try the mirror!’ The Captain’s words resonated in her head. Who was the woman in front of her? Same mouth, same nose, same ridged forehead. But the eyes... They were lifeless. What had happened? B’Elanna couldn’t find the answer to that question. 

It had started when she and Tom had broken up, but... she didn’t think that was the cause of her feeling so empty inside. This emptiness came from deep within, like an icy wind, blowing up from the depths of her soul, reducing her mental landscape to a frozen, desolate world.   
She shuddered as the air around her seemed to chill.

Closing her eyes, she looked around over the cold, barren planes surrounding her. She didn’t want to live here. Surely something better was out there? A warmer, more accommodating place? Yet as far as she could see, there was nothing but the stillness of a frozen world. 

It hadn’t always been like this, she remembered. Her inner self had always been a vibrant and entrancing environment, a warm and powerful atmosphere. It had been a place filled with hopes and dreams and... Was that what had changed? Had the hopes and dreams disappeared? 

B’Elanna’s eyes snapped open. That day in the Ready Room, she’d said to the Captain that she’d lost her faith in love. That must be it. By breaking up with Tom, she’d finally given up the hope of ever finding Love in the fairy tale way.   
With a sharp cry she sank to the floor, only now feeling the pain of disillusion, and howled in utter desperation.

~~~

Feeling tired, Kathryn took off her uniform and put on her peach-colored nighty and matching robe, intending to read another few pages of her favorite book before going to bed.  
She glanced in the mirror as she passed by it and immediately her last words to B’Elanna sprang to mind. ‘Try the mirror!’   
She stopped dead in her tracks and studied the reflection that stared back at her. 

“You look tired, Katie.” She murmured to herself. “Get some rest, that’s an order.”

Her mirror image mock saluted at her. “Yes Ma’am.”

Kathryn let out a snorty chuckle as she headed for the couch. Wasn’t talking to yourself one of the first signs of insanity? Then where the hell did saluting to oneself rank on the scale? 

On the couch she found the stuffed teddy bear she’d brought with her from her Ready Room days ago. She hadn’t found the time to look for its owner yet, and since it didn’t belong to the only resident child, she doubted anyone would need it in a hurry.

She curled up on the couch, clutching the teddy in one arm and holding her book, an old twenty-first century classic, in her free hand. Expressing her comfort with a deep sigh, she immersed herself in the philosophical views of a little Raindrop on an exciting journey. 

The door chime brought her meandering mind back on course to the Alpha quadrant. 

“Come in.” She barked, annoyed at the intrusion at this time of the evening.

And her annoyance increased when she saw the well-built form of B’Elanna Torres enter her quarters. 

“Yes?” Kathryn inquired, not very politely.

B’Elanna kept her gaze firmly on the floor. “I’m sorry to bother you at this hour, but...” She looked up, finding the eyes of her Captain and took a deep breath. “I looked in the mirror.” 

“And?” Kathryn’s gaze softened somewhat as she noticed that the sparkle in the younger woman’s eyes had returned to some degree.

Suddenly B’Elanna’s features widened in a big grin. “Tarees!”

Kathryn frowned incomprehensively. “What?”

“You have Tarees!” She exclaimed as she moved closer. “The teddy bear,” she clarified when she saw the puzzled look on Kathryn’s face, “it’s mine.” 

Realization dawned. “Oh! I see.” 

Kathryn almost reluctantly handed over the stuffed bear to B’Elanna who clutched it tightly and buried her face in the soft fabric, inhaling deeply. 

“I found it in the corridor on Deck nine.” Kathryn offered, staring at the display in front of her with mild curiosity. “At first I thought it was Naomi’s...”

It didn’t seem like B’Elanna was hearing her, so she just shut up.  
When the half Klingon looked up, there were tears in her eyes.

“Thank you.” It sounded really heartfelt. “For the teddy bear AND for what you said to me, back in my quarters. I may not have my faith back yet, but at least I now know that someday I’m going to be alright.”

Again, Kathryn frowned in confusion. “Faith in what?”

“Love.” B’Elanna answered simply. “The pure, unadulterated, cosmic version.” 

“Ah.” Kathryn said pensively, as a few things fell into place. She gestured at the other chair. “Would you like to sit down?” 

B’Elanna smiled politely in thanks and lowered herself on the proffered seat.

Kathryn cleared her throat and nervously fidgeted with the book that she was still holding. “I still owe you an apology for being so rude to you in your quarters. I shouldn’t have meddled with your personal affairs.” 

“Well it certainly gave me the kick in the ass I needed.” B’Elanna stated dryly. She frowned quizzically when Kathryn snorted. “What?”

“You don’t know how close I came to actually physically DO that...” She grinned. 

“It’s actually me who owes YOU an apology, Captain.” B’Elanna stated, serious again.   
“I was out of line and...” She looked up at Kathryn with a sincere look. “I really would like to consider you a friend.” 

Kathryn smiled widely, putting her book aside to place her hands on B’Elanna’s. “Well then, that’s settled, we’re friends from now on.” She cocked her head to one side. “When we’re off duty anyway. Otherwise it could pose a few problems.” She quipped.  
“How about something to drink?” 

At B’Elanna’s confirming nod, Kathryn headed over to the replicator and returned with a bottle of white wine and two glasses.

She found B’Elanna engrossed in the book she’d been reading. “Want to borrow it?” 

B’Elanna nodded slowly. “Yeah... I think it might be just the thing I need right now. But I can replicate my own copy if you prefer.”

Kathryn held up her hand in protest. “I’ve read it a dozen times already. Take it.” She grinned. “Friends borrow books from one another, you know.” 

“Okay, thanks.” B’Elanna smiled.   
She yawned all of a sudden, placing her hand in front of her mouth.  
“Uhm, would you mind if I take a rain check on that drink? It is kind of late and I have the early shift tomorrow.” 

Kathryn grinned. “Me too. You’re probably right. We’ll reschedule.” 

“Thanks Captain.” B’Elanna got up.

“On this new friendly basis, I’d say you’re allowed to call me Kathryn.”

B’Elanna raised her eyebrows. “Eh, okay, Kathryn. Goodnight and... Thanks again!” 

“Goodnight B’Elanna.” Kathryn answered warmly. “And goodnight... Tarees you said it was?” Kathryn gingerly touched the bear. “I’ll miss her...”

“She can stay the night if you want.” B’Elanna blurted out, surprising even herself. Then she grinned mockingly. “Friends borrow bears from each other, you know.” 

They both laughed at the ridiculousness of that sentence. But nevertheless Tarees switched arms and waved goodnight to B’Elanna as she disappeared from view. 

~

To her own amazement, B’Elanna slept like a baby that night.   
She got up feeling more energetic than she had felt in quite a while, thoroughly enjoyed her breakfast and arrived a whole five minutes early for the morning briefing.   
When she entered the Briefing Room, she saw the Captain going through a stack of PADDs. The redhead looked up and smiled warmly at B’Elanna.

“Good morning Lieutenant. You look like you had a good night’s sleep!” 

B’Elanna grinned shyly, ignoring the strange sensations in her tummy. “Uhm, yes, for the first time in ages I woke up without actually feeling tired. Makes a nice change.” 

Kathryn stood up, stretching her body discretely as she did so. All this sitting made her feel rusty and stiff. “I know what you mean.” She leaned a little closer to B’Elanna and half whispered, with an amused grin on her face. “In case you’ve been wondering: your teddy bear had a very peaceful night as well. I think she likes it in my quarters...” 

Mock-glaring, B’Elanna lifted an eyebrow. “I bet she does, but she’s coming home with me tonight...” She stated defiantly; playing and loving every minute of it.

Just then more of the senior staff entered the Briefing Room and the two women unconsciously backed off a little.   
As Kathryn sat down again, she couldn’t help but casting a brief wicked grin in B’Elanna’s direction. “We’ll see about that Lieutenant...”

~

Not much was going on in Engineering that day. Nearly every system was functioning within normal parameters, and the few that weren’t, were being handled expertly by her well-trained staff.   
B’Elanna ordered some routine diagnostics on the Warp Core, mostly to keep everyone busy. And it couldn’t hurt to play on the safe side, she reasoned.

“Vorrik, I’m leaving you in charge here. If you got any major problems, let me know. I’ll be in my office for the time being.” 

The stoic Vulcan simply nodded once, without questioning her, and B’Elanna headed for the Engineering office.   
She had a little idea and since there were no urgent matters that required her immediate attention, she’d decided to get started right away. 

She headed to the replicator that was present in the small office. Usually it was used to replicate some tools or small components needed in a hurry. Today however, she had different plans for it. 

She worked meticulously, carefully programming different parameters and adjusting variables.   
In the late afternoon, she sat back with a satisfied sigh. There, exactly what she’d had in mind.   
A growl of her stomach made her realize she’d completely forgotten lunch; she’d been too engrossed in her little project to notice the passing of time.  
A few tweaks on the console nearby, and the object she’d created, shimmered out of existence, transported to where B’Elanna Torres wanted it to be.  
There, that was taken care of, she grinned. Next stop: Mess Hall. 

~

“Neelix! Ehm, I know I’m a little late but... have you got anything left for lunch?”

The furry Talaxian emerged from his kitchen, wiping his hands on his multicolored apron.   
“Well, ehm... I’m afraid lunch was quite a success today, Lieutenant.” He started. “But I’d be happy to replicate you something!” 

B’Elanna folded her arms and grinned. “A success huh? Too bad I missed out on it. What did you make anyway?” 

“Pizza!” The Talaxian beamed. “Tom has been asking me to make it for ages, but I never thought I could do it. Since he’s been having a rough time lately, I figured I...” He stopped mid-sentence as he realized who he was talking to and laughed nervously.  
“Anyway, you’re not the only one who had to miss out on the pizza fest, I’m afraid. Ensign Cortez and Crewman Sanders even fought for the last slice!” He grinned widely.   
“And the Captain was here just a few minutes ago. She was very disappointed when I told her there was nothing left. I must keep in mind to make more next...”

Placing her hand on the Talaxian’s shoulder, B’Elanna stopped the flood of words. “The Captain was here you said?” She questioned. 

“Just before you came in, yes.” Neelix confirmed. “I offered to replicate her something else, but she said she was going to eat in her quarters.” 

B’Elanna nodded. “Yeah, I think I’m going to do the same and replicate something light in my quarters. Thanks anyway Neelix!”  
With a smile she left the Mess Hall. 

The Talaxian watched her go in puzzlement, then shrugged and happily returned to his kitchen, cleaning up the mess he’d made during the pizza-experiment. 

~

“Torres to Janeway.”

Kathryn slapped her combadge, not aware of the small smile that had crept on her face upon hearing the voice of her Chief Engineer. “Janeway here.”

“Neelix told me that you too have missed out on the pizza-experience. Care to try your luck on the Holodeck? I know a lovely Italian place...” 

The grin on Kathryn’s face suddenly became much wider. “Great idea B’Elanna!” She beamed. “I’ll meet you there in... say half an hour? I’d like to slip on something more comfortable first.”

“Fine by me!” Came the reply. “Holodeck one, see you then.” 

Barely audibly, the comline closed just as Kathryn reached her quarters. She went inside, mentally going over her wardrobe already.   
She decided on having a quick shower first. Although she was more of a bath-person, there was something to be said for water cascading off her back as well. She didn’t have time for a luxurious bath now anyway. 

After relishing the hot water spray for an extra five minutes, she got out, wrapped her too often neglected body in a fluffy towel and dried her hair with another one.   
Then she headed straight for the closet and picked out a top and her favorite linen pants and matching jacket.   
She laid everything on the bed, next to the two teddy bears and opened her underwear drawer. Her head snapped up. TWO teddy bears? 

Kathryn turned around, and sure enough, there were two of the fluffy creatures guarding her bed. It seemed that Tarees had found a friend.   
Frowning slightly, Kathryn picked up the newcomer. It looked newer than Tarees; no stitching on the arm and it was a different kind of brown too, much lighter than the original. 

It was just as cute and huggable though, Kathryn decided as she ‘tested’ it by pressing it against her bosom and burying her face in its soft fabric.   
And it smelled familiar... Like B’Elanna, she ascertained with some degree of fascination.   
Kathryn smiled fondly at her new cuddle-mate and then put it down on the bed again.   
She quickly put on her clothes and headed for the Holodeck to spend the evening with the very thoughtful person responsible for this lovely gift.

~~~

Kathryn arrived outside Holodeck One to find B’Elanna going through the database. The Engineer looked quite different from usual in her flowery skirt. Kathryn couldn’t remember if she’d ever seen the woman’s legs before.   
She shook her head briefly, vaguely wondering where that thought had come from and tapped B’Elanna’s shoulder.

“Hi! You ready?”

B’Elanna turned around and smiled at her Captain. “Just about. Still looking for the program. It should be here, but I can’t exactly remember its name. Last time I used it, I was here with Tom and... Ah, here it is!”

She activated the program and gestured at the Holodeck doors. 

“After you, Madame.”

Kathryn entered the cozy restaurant with B’Elanna close behind her, both gingerly picking up all the details around them.  
A waiter came to guide them to a quiet corner, held out their chairs and presented them with a menu each, while a second waiter brought two drinks as an appetizer. 

“So, anything you can recommend?” Kathryn asked as she studied the variety of pizzas on the menu, each sounding more exotic than the previous. 

B’Elanna shrugged. “Not really. I haven’t been here in ages. This place is supposed to be a replica of one of the best Italian restaurants on Earth so I imagine most of their food is edible.” She gave the other woman a lopsided grin.

“Hmmm...” Kathryn frowned slightly. “I think I’ll go for this one here. I’d try to pronounce it, but I’m afraid I’d accidentally swallow my tongue in the process.” Grinning, she rolled her eyes. “Do you think the waiter will mind if I just point at it?”  
She reached for her glass, deciding to try the wine.

As if summoned, the man who’d brought their drinks appeared by their table.   
“And what will it be for the two lovebirds?” 

Kathryn, feeling the need to chuckle while drinking, ended up making small choking sounds instead. B’Elanna simply turned beet red and quickly ordered for the both of them before turning to the other woman.

“Are you alright?”

Kathryn nodded, laughing between coughs. With one eyebrow raised she asked: “Lovebirds?”

B’Elanna looked a bit embarrassed. “Apparently I’d forgotten that this is supposed to be a ‘romantic setting’ program... Sorry about that...” 

Kathryn snorted and held up her hands. “Hey, if pretending to be your girlfriend gets me some pizza, I’m all for it!”

Playing along, B’Elanna raised her glass. “To girlfriends for one night!” 

Kathryn grinned and mimicked the gesture. “Cheers.”

~

A few hours and a few glasses of wine later, the ladies were contemplating what to have for dessert.   
And at that point it was also more than obvious that Klingons are much better at holding their liquor than humans are. Whereas B’Elanna was only mildly feeling the effects of the alcohol, Kathryn was quite inebriated although she tried not to let it show.

The older woman squinted slightly at the menu. “Oh, I could kill for uttaberry crepes...”

“Just ordering it might give a more satisfying result than killing for it, you know.” B’Elanna replied deadpan.

Kathryn shot her a half-drunk glare. “Well, I would order it, smart aleck, but it’s Bajoran, and it wouldn’t be on the menu HERE, now, would it?”

B’Elanna grinned. “Ah, but this is a Holodeck, you can have anything you want.”

“In that case, I may want some fresh air instead. I seem to be feeling a little light-headed...” Kathryn grinned apologetically.

“No, really?” B’Elanna retorted. “And here I was thinking you were talking so much because you LIKED me.” 

Feeling a hint of sickness coming over her, Kathryn placed her hand on her stomach. “Oh I like you.” She half got up from her chair, suddenly needing to get out of the confines of the restaurant. “But I’ll like you a lot more if you get me into some fresh air.”

B’Elanna grabbed a glass of water and led her straight to the nearest door. They stumbled out in the night’s warm air, feeling a cool but not chilly mountain-breeze on their skin.   
Kathryn breathed in deeply and thankfully accepted the glass of water B’Elanna was offering her. 

“Well, I guess that’s it.” 

B’Elanna looked questioningly at the other woman. Surely she wasn’t planning on leaving already?

Kathryn gave her a regretful look and patted her stomach softly. “I’m fairly sure there’s no room for dessert in here.”

B’Elanna grinned widely and shook her head as relief flooded through her veins. “I suspect you’ll live.” She hooked arms with Kathryn and they started walking slowly, not going anywhere in particular. 

“Well I hope so. I’d have a problem otherwise.”

“How can you have problems when you’re DEAD?” 

“Oh I’m sure it’s possible.”

B’Elanna grinned mischievously. “You DO have a knack for getting in trouble...”

Kathryn swatted her playfully on the arm. “Hey! Show a little respect for the dead.” 

“You’re not dead YET...”

At that, Kathryn’s stomach rumbled indiscreetly. “Yes, you have a point there, it seems.”   
She winced slightly. “God I think I ate too much.”

“No, you DRANK too much.” B’Elanna stated quite matter-of-factly.

Kathryn made a face at her. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re too smart for your own good, Lieutenant?” 

“So it’s ‘Lieutenant’ now? What? You have to pull rank to win an argument with me?” 

“You’re not playing fair.” Kathryn mock-pouted. “I’m intoxicated.” 

“Hah!” B’Elanna stopped walking abruptly and half-turned at her companion. “I TOLD you that you’d had too much!” 

Kathryn sighed and cast the half-Klingon a hopeful look. “Let’s compromise and hold it at the combination of too much food and a LITTLE too much wine?” 

B’Elanna grinned. “Why can’t you just admit I’m right?” 

“It goes against my nature.” Kathryn replied, nose in the air, lips pursed.

“I bet you were insufferable as a child.”

Kathryn gave her an indignant look. “As opposed to you? You’re even insufferable as an adult!” 

“You bring it out in me!” B’Elanna exclaimed. “I swear, with everybody else I’m meek and compliant. You wouldn’t recognize me.”

Snorting, Kathryn shook her head. “You couldn’t do meek or compliant even if your life depended on it.” 

A strange look crossed the younger woman’s features as she whispered: “You’re right, I couldn’t.”

Kathryn was still sober enough to realize she might have taken this too far. She put a hand on B’Elanna’s arm. “I’m sorry; I was out of line apparently.”

“No, you were right.” B’Elanna smiled wistfully. “But don’t worry about it.” She pointed at a bench a little further along the road. “Let’s go sit down there; the view over the city is quite spectacular.” 

Wordlessly, Kathryn nodded and they both sat down, their silence –though comfortable- in stark contrast with the easy shared banter before. 

Kathryn vaguely wondered about what B’Elanna’s response had been about, but hesitated to ask and bring the subject up again. She didn’t feel the need to break the silence anyway. Kathryn felt a deep feeling of contentment come over her, just sitting there, on a cooling, starry night with heat radiating off another body next to her. Out of nowhere came a thought that surprised her. ‘There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now.’ But before she could consciously wonder where it came from, B’Elanna spoke softly into the night.

“I tried, you know.” She looked down at her hands lying in her lap.

“Tried what?” It took Kathryn a few seconds to get out of her own thoughts.

B’Elanna sighed softly. “To be meek and compliant. Once, as a kid. I thought that... that maybe they’d consider me one of them if I was more... conforming.” She shrugged. “It didn’t help of course. It left me so very frustrated, walking on the tips of my toes all the time, trying to hold back my Klingon impulses.” 

There was a brief pause as B’Elanna reminisced and Kathryn tried to come up with a way to convey her sympathy, finding words not to be up to the sentiment she wanted to express. Instead, she just put her hand over B’Elanna’s and squeezed it lightly.

Shaking her head, B’Elanna chuckled. “My mother was furious when she realized I was trying to deny my Klingon heritage to fit in with the humans. She gave me the whole speech about Klingon honor, about how there’s absolutely no honor in groveling and crawling for others. I keep remembering that one thing she said: ‘The only things that crawl are worms, B’Elanna, and they end up in gagh!’”

The young Klingon frowned. “She always hated it when I showed signs of weakness. Like the teddy bear, she hated that one with a vengeance. I hid it from her most of my childhood. She never could make me get rid of it.” A triumphant smile crossed B’Elanna’s features briefly, proud of the small victory. She turned to Kathryn with a raised eyebrow. “Of course now you stole it...”

“Oh yes, I completely forgot!” Kathryn exclaimed, correctly picking up that the Lieutenant didn’t want to talk about her mother anymore. “I was going to bring her with me. Someone gave me one for myself, so I won’t be needing Tarees anymore.” She added with sly grin. 

“Do you like the new one?” 

“Oh yes I do!” Kathryn beamed. “Thank you so much! She’s beautiful.”

“You’re welcome.” B’Elanna felt suddenly shy and tried hard to cover it up. “So, what’s her name going to be?” 

Kathryn pursed her lips. “Hmm, don’t know actually. Any suggestions?”  
After a moment’s thinking she looked up at B’Elanna. “Is it a boy teddy bear or a girl teddy bear anyway?” 

“Whatever you want it to be, I guess.” B’Elanna had never really thought of that. 

Kathryn shrugged. “I always thought all teddy bears were male to be honest. Tarees is the first female one I’ve met.” 

B’Elanna cocked her head. “She was my best friend when I was a kid. Somehow it seemed right for her to be a girl. I never really gave it much conscious thought.” 

“Well I’ll follow your lead: female it is. All we need now is a name.” Kathryn pondered for a few seconds. “How about Rheya? I always liked that one.” 

“It’s nice.” B’Elanna nodded. “Rheya and Tarees.” 

~

Way, way later that evening, both of them were standing in front of Kathryn’s door. 

“Well, here we are.” Kathryn stated unnecessary. “Thanks for walking me back.” 

“Hey, no problem. I need to pick up Tarees anyway.” B’Elanna reminded her.

Kathryn opened the door and motioned for B’Elanna to follow her inside. “Wait a second, I’ll get her.” She stated over her shoulder as she headed for her bedroom.

B’Elanna stifled a yawn. Good thing she only had the late shift tomorrow. She glanced at the clock, and realized it was already ‘tomorrow’. Only a few hours ‘til her duty shift began. It had been worth it ‘though. She hadn’t had that much fun in quite a while. 

“They look so cute together.” Kathryn walked into the living room, smiling fondly at the bears in her arms. “I bet they’ll miss each other.”

B’Elanna rolled her eyes with a smile. “We’ll organize a play-date for them next week.” 

“Right.” Kathryn snorted and handed over Tarees to her rightful owner and walked them both to the door. “Thanks for the invitation B’Elanna. I had a great time. And thanks for the bear too. It’s one of the most thoughtful gifts I ever received.” 

Turning around B’Elanna smiled warmly at her very new friend. “You’re welcome. I guess everybody needs a cuddle now and then.” 

“True. You know what they say: it’s lonely at the top.” Kathryn grinned. 

Stifling another yawn, B’Elanna sighed. “I’m going to catch some sleep before my shift. So... Goodnight I guess, although it’s almost morning.”

“Goodnight B’Elanna.” Kathryn smiled at the younger woman and on impulse gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

B’Elanna blushed slightly and shyly waved goodbye as she headed for her own quarters. 

In the turbolift she affectionately hugged her teddy bear close and noted in surprise that Tarees’s scent had changed. It vaguely smelled of Kathryn now. With a lopsided grin, B’Elanna decided that wasn’t a bad thing at all. 

~~~

They continued on like that for quite a while, each of them finding a peaceful sort of joy in their newfound friendship. They had lots of fun together, at first only during off hours, but gradually their easy camaraderie slipped through their professional masks as well.   
And although most of the crew noticed, nobody really minded the fact that the two of them had started finishing each other’s sentences and both laughed at the same private jokes at the same time during meetings. 

They were frequently seen in the Mess Hall having lunch, or on the Holodeck doing whatever people do on a Holodeck.   
Where people saw one of them, they came to expect the other one was nearby. And nobody thought anything of it. Not in the least the two women themselves. Very good friends, that’s all there was to it. Very good friends, who fondly kissed each other on the cheek whenever they met or parted during off duty hours, and who shared mutual winks and brief smiles when on duty. Very good friends, nothing more to it. 

~~~

Kathryn Janeway was slowly, ever so slowly, drifting into consciousness after a restful night’s sleep. She pressed her body into the mattress, her mind still residing in her current dream where her lover was expertly playing her body like an instrument.   
Automatically her hand slid down, assuming the part of dream-lover without complaining, and she enjoyed the skilful ministrations, trying to cling to the dream as she felt herself waking up. That very sensual dream, where a very sensual B’Elanna was...

She jerked upright and gasped in shock. B’ELANNA?   
Fully awake now, and still quite aroused despite herself, Kathryn vividly remembered dream images of her very naked best friend doing wonderful things to her body.   
Feeling more than reasonably embarrassed, she jumped out of bed and took a long cold shower.

~

It was no use. Everywhere she looked, her mind insisted on reminding her about the dream. She sat nervously in her chair, willing her thoughts to focus on commanding a starship.   
She put her hand on the armrest but could only feel B’Elanna’s supple skin.   
She looked at the nebula on the viewscreen but all it showed was the form of two women -her and B’Elanna- in perfect unity.   
Sighing deeply, she closed her eyes and heard B’Elanna whisper her name. 

Kathryn jumped as Chakotay touched her arm.

“Kathryn? Are you alright? You’ve been nervous since you arrived on the Bridge this morning. Is something wrong?” 

Blinking a few times, Kathryn shook her head and smiled superficially. “I’m fine Chakotay. I didn’t sleep very well, that’s all.” 

The first officer frowned slightly, but decided to let it slip. 

Kathryn tried to relax in her chair again, but found herself unable to do so. Just as she’d decided she would be better off in her Ready Room, she heard the siren’s song. 

“Torres to Janeway.”

Very uncharacteristically Kathryn blushed a deep red.   
“Ja- Janeway here.” She stuttered. 

Most of the Bridge crew noticed their Captain’s odd behavior, but they politely resumed their tasks.

“Captain, I have the results of the latest full diagnostic of the warp core. You free to discuss them over lunch?”

The Bridge crew had become fairly used to this sort of meetings between their Captain and their Chief Engineer, so it wasn’t the proposal itself that caught their attention. It was the Captain’s hesitation.

“Lunch?” Kathryn felt like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Yes, lunch. If it’s convenient.”

Kathryn’s first instinct was to decline, but she didn’t really have an excuse, now, did she? She didn’t have other plans, nor was there some situation on the Bridge that required her presence.   
She swallowed hard. “Okay... lunch it is.” 

“Great. See you in the Mess Hall in five.”

The comlink closed and Kathryn stood. She turned to Chakotay. “I’ll be in...” She stopped mid-sentence, her mind yet again stuck on B’Elanna. 

“The Mess Hall.” Chakotay finished for her.

“Mess Hall, yes.” Kathryn tried to clear her head. “You have the Bridge, Commander.”   
She headed for the turbolift, impervious to the collective staring.

~

“What’s wrong with you all of a sudden?” B’Elanna looked at the woman in front of her with a mix of irritation and concern. “You haven’t said more than two words since you got here; you’re not paying any attention to what I’m saying, and what scares me most: you seem fascinated by the Leola root stew in front of you.”

The lack of response worried B’Elanna even more and she placed her hand over Kathryn’s to draw her attention. “Hey, what’s bothering you?”

Kathryn just stared at their hands and blushed again, unable to think clearly. 

“Kathryn? Sweety, tell me what’s wrong?”

At the term of endearment, Kathryn’s head snapped up and her eyes fixed on B’Elanna’s. She tried to speak, to explain, but the words wouldn’t come out.   
Finally she just got up, managed to squeeze out a muffled ‘sorry’ and half-ran out of the Mess Hall. 

Confused, B’Elanna grabbed her PADDs and followed her out. When she rounded the corner, she saw the turbolift doors close, taking Kathryn away from her.

~

B’Elanna pressed the door chime for the sixth time. “You’re going to have to let me in some time.” She paused. Nothing. “Kahless, Kathryn, I know you’re in there. Let me in!” 

Just a she was about to bang on the door with her fists, it slid open.   
B’Elanna stepped inside and found Kathryn sitting on the couch, her face in a frown and insecurity radiating off her whole demeanor.   
The half-Klingon kneeled at her feet and grabbed her hand.

“Please let me know what’s wrong?” Her voice was laced with concern. It wasn’t like Kathryn to act this way at all.

Closing her eyes, Kathryn pursed her lips and swallowed. “I dreamed about you, about us.” 

“Yes...?” B’Elanna nodded, not quite getting why that was important. 

Kathryn shook her head, realizing the other woman didn’t get it. “I had a dream. About you...”

“I have dreams about you too sweety; I don’t see your point.” B’Elanna frowned. 

“I dreamed about you in THAT way!” Kathryn nearly shouted in impatience.   
As she saw realization dawning on B’Elanna’s face, she covered her own with her hands. 

B’Elanna pulled Kathryn’s hands away from her face. “So?” 

Kathryn stared at her incredulously. “What do you mean: so?” 

“These things happen.” B’Elanna shrugged. “Is that what you’re so upset about?” 

“OF COURSE that’s what I’m upset about! How could I not be? I dreamed of YOU NAKED! How could I NOT be upset??” 

Kathryn’s hands were waving dramatically through the air, until B’Elanna caught them.

“Hey, sshh, calm down. Sweety, there’s no reason to be upset about this. So you dreamed of me naked, big deal. It was only a dream. I won’t think any less of you.”

“Okay...” Kathryn didn’t seem convinced exactly, but calmed down nonetheless. 

B’Elanna couldn’t help herself. “So... Was I any good?” 

For the umpteenth time that day, Kathryn blushed beet red and B’Elanna grinned. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” 

~~~

Whereas Kathryn’s mind was somewhat set at ease, B’Elanna’s certainly wasn’t.   
That night, before she fell asleep, she wondered about her friend’s dream, wondered how the two of them might be together. She found the thought pretty arousing and when she acted upon that arousal, she finally admitted what she’d known deep down all along: she was attracted to her best friend.

With that revelation, some other things suddenly made sense. Like how she enjoyed the innocent ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ kisses although she’d never been a ‘kissy’ kind of person. And how her skin pleasantly tingled where Kathryn happened to touch her. And how much she’d come to depend on the other woman. What she thought, how she felt mattered to B’Elanna. And slowly it started to dawn on her that this was more than just a simple physical attraction. 

She thought about this a lot during the next few days, whenever her mind found a spare second; sitting at her desk writing reports, lying in her bed before she fell asleep.   
With Kathryn everything got back to the way it used to be, although maybe they’d become a little closer since the dream. 

B’Elanna didn’t tell her friend anything about the thoughts and feelings she experienced. It was too soon. She didn’t understand it all herself yet. 

The only thing she knew for sure is that she cared deeply for Kathryn. More deeply than she ever thought she was capable of. Because, before, it had been herself, in the first place, she was most concerned about. Nobody else cared, so she had to look after her own interests and wellbeing.   
But without her even noticing, Kathryn had slowly seeped through the firm walls of her inner fortress and had managed to transform the barren, frozen world into a warm and comfortable place again. And B’Elanna felt very grateful for that.

~~~

“Well? What do you think?” Kathryn looked at her friend with a childlike enthusiasm.

B’Elanna raised a sarcastic eyebrow. “You want to go... camping...” It was said slowly as if those words weren’t meant to be in the same sentence altogether. 

Kathryn grinned. “Yes.” 

“Okay, let me say that again: YOU want to go CAMPING?” 

“That’s what I said.” Kathryn stated, eager to find out if B’Elanna thought it was a good idea. “I found a beautiful spot by a river, perfect for a camp site with a little tent. The weather is great and will remain great for the next few days.” She put her hands on her hips. “Will you please stop looking at me like that??”

B’Elanna cocked her head, smiling. “But why camping? I mean, what’s wrong with enjoying a nice day out on some beautiful alien planet, watching a beautiful alien sunset and then beaming back to Voyager to sleep in our own warm, nice, safe and SOFT beds? I like you, really, but if you’re going to make me sleep in a tent, I might have to rethink this whole friends-thing we have going on here.”

Kathryn pursed her lips and rolled her eyes. “Tent or nothing. Take it or leave it.”

“Alright, alright, tent it is.” B’Elanna replied with twinkling eyes. “But I’m warning you: I snore.”

~

“Ah this is absolutely fantastic...” Kathryn sighed happily, lying back against a sun warmed rock while her feet were dangling in cool water. “Nothing like a good sun soak when you’ve been cooped up inside a starship for eons.” 

“Mmm...” B’Elanna murmured, still sitting up, watching the water flow around their feet. “Careful you don’t overheat.” She dipped her hands into the water. “Maybe you need some refreshment?” She asked coyly as she splashed a few handfuls over her friend. 

Kathryn shrieked and sat up. “Stop it! You indignant little...!”

B’Elanna laughed. “Hey! Watch your mouth! Or I’ll throw you in the river!” 

A defiant look set on Kathryn’s face. “Oh you wouldn’t...” 

B’Elanna stared back, equally challenging. “Try me...” 

They sat frozen for a moment, until B’Elanna suddenly reached out and, with superior strength, flung Kathryn off the rock they were sitting on.   
But Kathryn had known it was coming and wasn’t prepared to go under alone, so she grabbed B’Elanna tightly and dragged the woman with her as she fell in. 

Spluttering both women surfaced, wiping the excess water from their faces. They both breathed in sharply and then started laughing uncontrollably. 

“Kahless, this is cold!!” B’Elanna shivered, her Klingon physiology not really keen on the cool temperature of the water. “But I guess I deserved that.”

She waded to the rock they fell of and hauled herself out of the water. Her shirt clung tightly to her body as she did, and vivid flashes of the earlier dream assaulted Kathryn’s mind again. Unlike B’Elanna, she was grateful for the coolness of the water for it tempered the blood that suddenly boiled in her veins. 

Yet the water proved too cold to stay in long, and soon Kathryn had to follow B’Elanna out.   
She tugged at her own shirt, trying to stop it from clinging with little success as she made her way to the tent.   
A relatively dry B’Elanna exited holding a large fluffy towel for her. 

“Ah, you’re out already. Pretty freezing, isn’t it?” She held the towel open and wrapped it around her soaked friend, which is how Kathryn suddenly found herself in the warm embrace of the woman that made her heart race faster. 

With a corner of the towel, B’Elanna gently wiped the water from Kathryn’s face while the older woman stood transfixed, not capable of moving, staring at B’Elanna wide eyed.   
Subconsciously, the half-Klingon picked up on Kathryn’s dilated pupils and reddened cheeks and she felt the familiar rush of attraction she always experienced near Kathryn.   
But this time it was more powerful than ever.

At virtually the same time, driven by some earthly instinct, both women closed the short distance between them and engaged in a passionate kiss.  
Fingers tangled in wet hair.  
A towel fell to the ground forgotten. 

They only drew apart, breathing hard, as the need for oxygen proved too great to ignore.  
Kathryn stared wide-eyed at the woman in front of her and whispered softly. “Tell me I’m not dreaming...” 

B’Elanna smiled. “You’re not dreaming.” 

Kathryn snorted and cocked her head to the side. “That’s what you always say in my dream too. Imagine my disappointment when I wake up!”

Taking the other woman’s face in her hands, B’Elanna spoke softly. “You’re right, this is a dream. But it’s one you’ll never have to wake up from...” 

They kissed again, delicately.   
Kathryn shivered, both from excitement and the chill of wearing wet clothes.

“You know,” B’Elanna started, “you should get out of this shirt. You’ll catch a cold.” 

Kathryn wiggled her eyebrows. “Just what are you suggesting, Lieutenant?”

“I thought maybe we could find out what else happens in that dream of yours...”

 

~~~ THE END ~~~

 

Epilogue:   
(Some time in the future)

B’Elanna went over everything one more time. It was perfect.  
That night, when Kathryn got home, she would find a note that would send her on a treasure hunt all over the ship.  
After collecting all kinds of little gifts, she’d finally end up in their bedroom where she’d find their two teddy bears sitting on the bed.   
One holding a rose, the other one a wedding ring...


End file.
